What Food Means To Me.

To many people, food is both nourishment and something many people take great pleasure in, as various individuals find certain plates of food to be absolutely delectable. But to me, most foods can be considered quite the opposite. In 90% of all cases, food is nothing but disgusting items of mush which we (sadly) need to take in to survive. Diet Pepsi, a fluid, just happens to be one of the few food items which I love. But, If for nothing else, I would have preferred that most foods were in the shape of a small pill, so that I could take it in at once and be done with in order to avoid the nightmarish terror that plagues the streets of my neighborhood of Jackson Heights, New York. Food, in this case, and in most, is quite disgusting.

Perhaps I grew quite pessimistic in regards to food one spring day in the year of 2003. I was but a young, incredibly enthusiastic chubby boy (until last year) that loved all things Pizza. Since I had recently turned fourteen years of age, my brother; Stevens, and one of my good friends; Terence, invited me to a pizzeria unheard of even to my unsavory appetite- "Sal's Pizza". It was one of the greatest pizzerias to ever grace our small, but overpopulated neighborhood of Jackson Heights - allegedly. What was once considered the haven to fulfill my friends nearly orgasmic infatuation to your typical, fatty Italian dish would soon become the very object of terror - for that day, at least.

Immediately upon entering Sal's Pizza, I was greeted with the most uplifting grace of a fragrance that had ever met my nose. If you're a man, and happen to think the newest fragrance Beyoncé is putting out for that possible female you're trying to court is something, than you're in for something beyond any female shoulder you may want to lay your hands on. Think twice, because that girl's my sister! So yes, looks, or in this case, smells can prove to be quite deceiving. In any case, be aware of your surroundings.

I was told to quietly sit down, while Stevens and Terence ordered the pizza. I was growing suspicious of the pizzeria, minutes before the food had even been served. I mean, I'm a guy who just happens to love Pizza, and I'm GROWING SUSPICIOUS of a restaurant which flowed with the smell so oddly orgasmic? Call 9-11 - PLEASE! But my suspicious proved true. Sure, the pizzeria smelled good; so good, that it would be sure to drive any person crazy and lay down $20 before actually thinking twice, but there was a very significant underlying reason as to why I never heard of this pizzeria. No one, not anyone ate here. I turned my head to the right. Chairs and tables. I turned my head to the left. Chairs and tables. I looked above. A leaky ceiling dripping water into a plastic bucket.

I had once felt the passion of a lover's embrace in this fine little restaurant, but the mood had now turned unsavory. The tables weren't just empty, they were unused. The tables actually had the chairs elevated on the table, and not under, as to sit any new customers who walked in. No one, not anyone had ever actually walked in here, except Terence. I looked down on the floor, and I was greeted with the hiss of a rat running amongst the ruins of a beef patty, chasing quite possibly the largest cockroach I had ever seen. It was too late. I was now one of those creatures eating food off the floor, all things considered. I looked towards the counter. The food had been ordered, and it was too late to actually get up and run off. As ridiculous as that may have sounded, when you're a kid, $14 isn't something you throw away, no matter what. I could hear the voice of my mother then, "DON'T WASTE FOOOOOOOD RYAAAAAAN!"

Terence smiled at me, "What's wrong, Ryan? You look grim", with a smile so innocent in nature, already staring at the food in front of him with bedroom eyes. Stevens, on the other hand, looked the same as I did. I wanted to say what my heart told me, but I'm sure that he suspected as well as I did, which I later confirmed that night. This had now become the dinner scene of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, a nightmarish escapade of which I could not escape from, but not nearly as graphic in terms of psychological horror. Stevens just sat there, staring at the two slices of pizza now in front of him with the most pale, dead eyes I had ever seen.

Terence now laid his right hand on the table.

He moved his hand towards the slice.

His nose began to itch.

He lifted the slice.

It was too late.

Terence SNEEEZED ON THE SLICE. I wanted to immediately jump out and wail my arms like a maniac, but looking at the amount of mucus now having been produced all over his face, and now all over the edge of his plate, made me want to stay back. He immediately cleaned his slice off and continued eating. My brother, who had now no longer looked as grim as I did previously began doing the same. I mean, THE GUY SNEEZED ON HIS PLATE AND YOU'RE GONNA ACTUALLY EAT YOUR FOOD LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED!? Sigh. I was but a child, and my opinion in the matters of food in a public restaurant didn't matter much.

I gulped. I moved my hands toward the slice and I bit into what should have been the pizza I knew and loved. No, it wasn't Pizza. It was nothing but incredibly moistened cardboard with month old cheese. The cheese, which could honestly have been garbage water; for all I knew, rushed into my mouth. I felt like Darth Vader was choking my throat with a fist enveloped in year old milk. I was right. It merely smelled delicious, but the taste couldn't match it's rich aroma. I couldn't contain myself, I stumbled as I ran to the bathroom, and I was now on the floor, throwing up continuously as the cook came to help me off the floor.

Food is disgusting.